Baby Matters: Baby aint being naughty - YOUR CHILD'S BRAIN

Recently I have borrowed a book - Science of Parenting. Being all Science student through my sch days, this works well for my brain to understand. So I am going to share about my findings from this book and hope we can all gain some insights into why and what is causing all that emo emo of our kids!!

I am excited to share because it answers some of the qns my hubby pose to me for eg.. why is Eva screaming more often these days?? How should we handle? Should we scold her and let her understand?? Etc

First of all, we need to understand about how human brain is developed and this impacts us when we go into adulthood.

So the brain is made up of 3 regions.

The Rational Brain
This is the higher brain aka frontal lobes. This is where emotionally responsive parenting has a dramatically positive impact .
Its functions and capacitues include
-creativity n imagination
-problem solving
-reasoning and reflection
-self awareness
-kindness, empathy and concern

The Mammalian brain
This is the lower brain aka emotional brain. This is where strong emotiond are triggered and needs to be managed well by rational brain
It activates
-rage
-fear
-separation distress
-caring n nurturing
-social bonding
-playfulness
-exploration urge
- lust in adults

The Reptilian brain
This is the deepest n most ancient part. It activates instinctive behaviour related to survival.
It controls essential body functions including
-hunger
-digestion
-breathing
-circulation
-temperature
-movement, posture, balance
-territorial instincts
-fight or flight

Most of the infant brain is developed after birth but the higher brain is very unfinished. Therefore we need to understand the mammalian and reptilian part of their brain and recognise the signs.

Basically the emotional systems and primitive impulses in his lower brain will all easily overwhelm him at times. Hence the intense bursts of rage, distress, screaming and rolling around on floor in a desperate state. This is not being naughty; it's just a fact about immaturity of the human infant brain. Their higher brain is not developed enough yet to to be able to calm those massive feeling storms naturally.

The rage, fear and separation distress systems are already set up at birth to support a baby's survival.

This was something my hubby and I were discussing during Eva early days like how come they are able to display negative emotions when they are just born and wouldnt have seen us adults show such emotion before. He even commented that human are born with all the negative traits like bad temper and even jealousy. Haha I LoL but did agree. Was also wondering where they learn all that from?? Was it coming from our prenatal teachings (胎教)? So now we understand it is actually something so primitive! But I think I am close, I always saying that Eva is trying to communicate with us and telling us something but it's for us to decipher correctly.

As the book points out, it is important to understand this i.e infants are often overwhelmed by by triggering of these brain systems because there is so little higher brain brain functioning yet to help them to think, reason, and calm themselves down; when faced with a genuinely distressed, screaming baby or child. He needs your help to calm down.

When child is not given enough help with his intense lower brain feelings and primitive impulses, his brain may not develop the pathways to enable him to manage stressful situations effectively.

Brain scans show that many violent adults are still driven just like infants by their ancient rage/fear and defense/attack responses deep in mammalian and reptilian parts of the brain. Just like toddlers,such adults can regularly be overwhelmed by powerful feelings without capacity to calm themselves effectively. When a child is not helped enough with his intense feelings, the alarm systems in his lower brain can be overactive in later life.

So if you dont consistently comfort and calm a child who is experiencing an amygala alarm trigger in his brain, it can lead to enduring changes in his brain. This include serious disruptions to the fine chemical balances in his frontal lobes and to stress response systems in his body and his brain.

So what do we need to do??

Help your child with his or her big feelings

When you do that, a great no. Of cells in his higher brain start to form pathways connecting with those in lower brain. Over time, these networks will naturally start to control those primitive impulses of rage, fear, or distress in his lower brain enabling them to think rather than just discharging them in some primitive action.

- Take your child's distress seriously.
Recognize how he is experiencing an event even if it is very different from how you are experiencing it. Show that you have correctoy understood the nature of his distress by telling him in a language that he can understand.

-Meet your child's feelings with the right voice and energy
Meet his feelings with an energized rather than a flat voice. Whether they are coming to you with delighted or furious emotions.

-Be calm and offer clear boundaries.
A key factor in your ability to manage your child's intense arousal states is managing your own. Be there for your child's feelings rather than burdening him with yours for eg. I cant deal with this now. Cant you see how tired i am? Offer clear boundaries by saying "no" firmly yet calmly when appropriate. Trying to persuade or plead with your child will make him feel emotionally unsafe. He needs to feel you are an emotionally strong parent who is clearly in charge.

-Use physical soothing.
Respond to your distressed child with calm physical soothing.

This chapter totally freaked me out that I wanna read more about how to handle Eva so that I can help her become a strong independent lady.

Source: The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

Disclaimer: Content includes quotes from book and Mummy Pris' inputs.