Darkest Period of my Life - From Preggie to Miscarriage

So I wanted to come back to blogging after my miscarriage last October but was too caught up with everything..

I wanna share about my experience so that other mummies who may face similar situation may find strength and comfort. Also to provide info and insights for those in doubt.

Last August end, I found out I was pregnant!! After about 5 test kits over 2 weeks. I was feeling sore breasts etc and was pretty sure that I was preggie yet negative and negative..

Eventually I tested positive!! And i remember I went shopping at baby fair giving myself green light to get new breastpumps and etc..

Excitedly as the previous round.. informed hubby and made plans to do blood test.. haha we wanted to be very sure.. and results came back Confirmed abt 5 weeks.. and so we made announcements..

Then I went polyclinic to get my referral.. and waited for my KKH appt.. this round.. its at 7 weeks.. compared to Eva time at 10 weeks..

At the first scan..
Sonographer couldnt see baby at all.. only yolk sac n water bag but no fetal pole nor heart beat.. we thought maybe still small..

A week later..
Supposedly a 3mm lil fetal pole was seen..
But hope aint high.. well.. unless LMP was very far off which i doubt.. no matter how i calculate.. It doesnt seem right..

A week later..
Confirmation that no fetal pole can be found.. and shrinkage of water bag observed.. in fact a day before the scan.. i suddenly felt all preggie symptoms vanished..

Doc advised and confirmed a miscarriage.. couldnt put any date to the baby since baby isnt even spotted..

I was calm and I asked all the questions abt the next step.. Which from google.. I know that usually its by natural discharge or procedural clean..

Natural discharge can sometimes not be thorough enuff and will still require the procedure.. so I decided to opt for the procedure.. doc advised for an uterus evacuation.. more details on that in next post..

And I had to decide on immediate admission or following day as doc put me on emergency instead of elective due to waiting time VS need to evac it soon..

Given it was a Thursday.. I decided to do it asap.. so i can be discharged by Friday and take care of Eva over weekend.. Hubby will also jus need drop her at childcare..

I was calm and I stayed rational and logical throughout. I am surprised at how strong I could be. I explained to hubby as a matter of factly why this happened. All the docs i met told me there is no reason.. nothing could have been done to prevent it.. likely a one off case.. and its natural selection since embryo possibly unhealthy to start with..

But regardless.. being a mum.. being the carrier of the baby.. the whole thing was tearing me apart from inside.. i was slowly consumed with grief that I couldnt handle nor face.. its pain.. grief.. guilt.. sadness.. anguish.. everything crushing me deep inside..

I will share more about the procedure in next post.. And what happened following that seems even more challenging...

Going to be back for more updates!!

Woah.. it has been a looooooog while.. time to catch up back on the bloggings.. haha 
now that lil Eva is 17mths old.. there are just so much to update.. esp on how to survive this 1st year.. LOL... 

And will share about my darkest moment - missed miscarriage.. and my experience at KKH for the evacuation of uterus.. 

Review: BABYSPA - Swimming for lil babies

Anyone considering if you should bring your little ones to BabySpa for a swim? I would raise both hands and legs for a YES! If you can afford the $300+ (back then it was only $290 for 10 sessions and a $10 for membership but since January / February, the fees have been raised to over $300), I seriously encourage you to sign your baby up for a package.  

Here is how it goes. 

1. Babies as young as 1mth old would be able to join the swim. For Eva, I only decided to bring her there at 3mth old where I thought she would have a longer awake period sufficient for the swim. And from observation, well, most of those really young ones that I seen didnt quite enjoy the swim. I guess its because they are usually sleepy or hungry at that age and either of which will make them fuss and not enjoy the swim. So you need to 1st decide at what age do you want to bring baby along. Not to wait till they are too old either as they may start to be too conscious and refuse to get into the waters. 

2. You can drop by at any of their outlets for a 1st time trial which will supposedly cost you around $38 with a free swim diapers. If you decide to sign up the package (10 sessions of swim plus 5 free swim diaper) after the trial, they will give you this 1st session free but the free swim diaper will be included in the 5 free diapers. Subsequently you can purchase swim diapers at $1.50 each from them or bring along your own. They also gave me a free photo shoot voucher which I can redeem at the photo studio. 

3. Prepare your own towel (else you will be asked to purchase from them), new sets of clothes (for me, I let Eva wear back what she was wearing prior to the swim), normal diapers and swim diaper (as included in the package) and definitely milk! Lotions are available there as well but you might want to use your baby's regular ones so do bring along. 

4. Set your timing right. Estimate when baby will nap and drink as you need to ensure that baby slept well and has the last feed at least 30min to 45min prior to the swim. You will get your turn as long as there is vacant spot. 

5. Always bring along your member card as they will not allow swim if you dont produce the card. 

*Point to note: there is an expiry period tag on to the various package. For eg. 10 sessions to be completed within 6months. 

What to expect

If it is your first time

1. inform the staff that you would like to have a trial swim for your baby. Normally for first-timer, the staff is very prompt to attend to you. 

2. you will enter the room which is warm so you do not need to worry about baby catching cold. Note: Plaza Singapura outlet has a very nice warm room while Serangoon nex is slightly cooler. 

3. you will be asked to change baby into swim diapers. and wait for staff cue before removing baby's clothing as they need time to prepare the warm water for the swim. 

4. first-time swimmers will be assigned to the individual tub pool and will be limited to 15-20min max for the babies to get used to it. By 3rd swim, baby can move on the the big pool. 

5. Staff will help baby do a little warm-up exercise before putting on the neck float. The neck float may seem dangerous and umcomfortable but so far, Eva has no complaints about it!! 

6. Get ready your camera as your baby takes the 1st dip into the pool. 

7. After awhile, the staff will on the jacuzzi bubbles for your baby. 

8. At the end of the swim, the staff will remove the swim diapers 1st. Baby will continue to swim for a lil while more before getting out of the tub.

9. you will dry and dress up your baby. 

*I strongly suggest that you prepare milk (unless latching on) before baby gets out of the pool or while you are dressing baby, daddy should prepare as baby is very likely to be very hungry after the exercise! And likely to have a good nap and night sleep afterward. 

After the 1st time, if you are on package, the above procedures apply except that you will only need to pass them your member card upon arrival. 

_______________________________________________

I personally been to Plaza Singapura and Serangoon Nex for Eva's sessions - both outlets were convenient since one is near my MIL place while the other near my place. 

Eva enjoyed all her swims where she moved from the individual pool to the big pool and from neck float to the seat float. I could also see the significance in improvement in her tummy time right after her 1st session of swim. 

Of course I have to say, Eva loves water right from birth and that was what prompted me to bring her to BabySpa. And I never regretted the choice. 

Here are some photos of Eva at swim:

Review: NASAL ASPIRATOR (Pigeon Nose Cleaner Tube Type)

Nasal aspirators are like one of the most essential yet dont quite know if necessary or will work kind of baby item? Haha.. it is like always appearing in baby sections in various brands and we often read on forums about mummies asking for advice with regard to their babies noisy / congested breathing or runny nose with dripping mucus etc.

I always wanted to get a nasal aspirator before Eva was born as I felt that inevitably babies are going to get runny nose especially when Eva goes to infant care. I wanted to be so ready for it and I even wanted to get that pacifier medicine dispenser! Eventually hubby persuaded me not to get either. I convinced myself too because the bulb type of aspirator didnt look like it is going to work and I was thinking if Eva struggles, this is going to poke right in! So yeah, mind got off the aspirator. 

I forgot how and forgot why but somehow one fine day I come across this Pigeon nose cleaner and was reading the instructions behind and was pretty impressed with the product! Like WAHH! that means I do not need to use my mouth to do it directly like how our mums would do! And I thought this makes more sense and suction to the cleaning than the bulb type which I dunno how many pumps I will take to clean out all the mucus. At the same time, I also dunno how many pumps I will take to clean out the insides of the bulb!

BUT this nose cleaner is different! 

1. It can be taken apart and clean easily. 
2. It comes with a case so I can bring it handy in her diaper bag.
3. The nozzle is rounded and big so I wont risk poking it right into her little nostrils
4. The long tube allows me to do it with a distance from her without needing to lean near her face. It also allows me to use it when hubby is carrying her. 
5. There is backflow prevention feature so you wont need to worry about sucking the mucus right into your own mouth. 
6. The bottle is transparent so I can see exactly how much mucus I have cleared and the color of the mucus (important to note as yellow/green mucus would imply infection and a need for the doctor!)

So far, I have used it about 2-3 rounds during her more serious bout of cold and runny nose. This time, I even resort to using it to suck out from side of her mouth the throat mucus (aka phlegm) which she managed to dislodge by coughing yet not knowing how to spit out. 

I take note not to suck too hard as I do not know how the impact of the suction would feel to her and would it actually harm the membrane in her nose. I read that we should not over clean their nose else it will cause the insides to be sore causing more discomfort. 

I will also normally stop when she starts to get irritated and struggles as this may cause the nozzle to hit her in her nostril causing pain and discomfort. 

Basically I whip out this nose cleaner whenever she sneezes leaving some trails of mucus on the outside! Recent bout of cold was bad and her mucus were not so runny but more sticky. I couldnt like just suck them out at one go. In the end, I decided that I should use it to suck the sticky mucus out of the nose and clean it off with a tissue than to try sucking it into the bottle. You can get breathless with that and its really awful to have the sticky mucus dangling with the nozzle from her nose with her feeling umcomfortable and upset already with the congested nose. 

So yes, pls use with extra care!

Refer below for more information of the item!

Let baby's nose feel clean and refreshed

Suction can be easily controlled Mucus remains trapped in bottle, thereby preventing backflow Transparent bottle allows easy observation of mucous extraction Gentle on baby's nose with rounded nozzle tip How to use Hold baby in your arms. Apply suction only when baby is calm. Place mouthpiece in mouth while holding baby with one hand. Hold the bottle with the free hand, and gently place the tip of the round nozzle close to baby's nostril, forming a seal. Always begin by sucking gently and slowly until all loose mucus has been removed. How to wash Separate nose cleaner, flushing each part under warm running water after each use. Dry very well and store Nose Cleaner in plastic case provided. All parts, except the bottle, can be sterilised in boiled water or the microwave oven.

Review: JAVALOCK REUSABLE WET WIPE COVER (MADE IN KOREA)

I am so happy to have found this reusable wet wipe cover!! I mean seriously I never thought that there would be / could be such a product and it actually works!!  I had my younger days where I somehow got into the mood of buying wet wipes or we usually call them wet tissue which were especially useful when cleaning the tables at hawker centres / kopitiam, sometimes I use them to clean office tables / office phone / even my mobile phone. But as it was considered expensive given my ability back then, I didnt bear to use them too often - resulting in even more heart pain as they dry up after some time!!

This phenomenon followed through till motherhood where wet wipes - now more fondly referred to as baby wipes are now the top essential item to bring on outings. 

Perhaps due to our good time scheduling, Eva don't really poop when we are outside, I think to date (now she is 10mth old) only 3 times??? And at home, frankly we used up the most only during the 1st month when she poop so often and kind of more wet. Later on, as she was mainly taking breastmilk, she only poop every other day. Following on, as she grows older, when she is able to support herself better and also partly due to some diaper rash, we decided to clean her by direct washing than using baby wipes. 

So baby wipes usage significantly dropped which results in the next problem. i.e worry that it will dry up before I can finish using them!! And for convenience, I also left a pack at my mum's place and a pack at my MIL place and certainly a pack at infant care. So that means the primary pack at home can kind of last for awhile?? 

To prevent that from happen, I take extra care in ensuring that the original plastic seal is sealed back properly and immediately and ensuring that I do not touch it so that it will not be coated and hence loses it adhesiveness. I even got so into it that I will reprimand my mum / sister if I found the wipes not properly sealed, telling them do you know how expensive the wipes are?? 

Given it all, I didnt want to buy the original box case for the Pigeon wipes, thinking that is expensive and bulky - meaning I wont be able to bring it out if I wanted / needed to. 

And as since Eva started on solids, I also bought another type of wipes that are of food grade i.e to say can be used to clean her hands / mouth and utensils without worrying she gets toxicated! And that is now more useful and essential when we are on the move! And being in the same packaging style, the worry for drying up is the same!! 

And ta-dah! I found this product on The Little Ones in My Life! (www.tlo.com.sg) 

You cannot imagine how excited I was to try this product though I was also a little skeptical about it like seriously does it work? What if it doesnt work?? and I may end up drying the wipes up faster than normal!! But you know it looks too nice to be missed and I thought at only less than $4.00, it is definitely worth a try! 

And I did and went on to make my purchase via http://tlo.com.sg/shop/index.php/javalock-reuseable-wet-wipe-cover-made-in-korea.html and it reaches my mailbox promptly! I made my purchase during their CNY holidays hence it take slightly longer than usual but they were sweet enough to end their intended closure one day earlier to send out all their orders!

I bought 3 Pink ones so I cannot decide what color to buy and I would be fretting over which color to use for which pack. Haha so make things simple, just get PINK! (though I am so tempted to get transparent one which seems so cool!) And I told myself, whatever! just try it ! and I bravely peel off the original plastic seal and put on this cover. 

It has been a month now and it worked wonderfully! It is easy to manage too as the cover can be opened / closed singlehandedly without much force as compared to having to peel open the plastic seal and pasting it back nicely! 

I am so glad that I bought this product. See below for more product info!

JAVALOCK Reuseable Wet Wipe Cover (MADE IN KOREA)

*** ONLINE SPECIAL: 3 for $9.99 ***

Tired of dried up wet tissue packs?
Frustrated with flimsy plastic stickers on wet tissue packs?

THIS IS YOUR SOLUTION!

Simply peel off the sticker on your wet wipe pack entirely, then paste on the Reusesable Wet Wipe Cover!

REUSEABLE???
Yes! Simply peel off at an angle once the wet wipes have been used up and stick it on a new pack!
Dirty and no longer sticky??? Rinse with tap water, rub off the dirt with your fingers then allow it to air dry. It is now as good as new again!

MADE IN KOREA

Dimensions: 10.5cm by 7.5cm by 0.5cm

I used it on the normal big pack of wipes, not the small 20 /30pc kind. And it fits perfectly. You need to peel off the original plastic seal before placing this over. Do ensure that the area is clean and dry to enhance the adhesiveness of the gel. The gel is like so small area!! But it holds like anything! Seriously! I was imagining it to come off if I accidentally hit it off. It did not come off even when I just hold the pack by this cover! But of course I didnt want to test its limit by forcing it. Haha it is still $3.33! 

So mummies or ladies all alike, really, this will be the solution to your wipes (any kind!). I believe this will be useful too for those using make-up remover wipes! Initially I was pretty tempted to get Brittato reusable wipes cover (Mini) which fits the travel packs more beautifully but erm.. looking at the comparison (refer below), I think I am better off with Javalock! 

Where to buy?

Javalock Reusable Wet Wipes Cover

http://tlo.com.sg/shop/index.php/javalock-reuseable-wet-wipe-cover-made-in-korea.html

1 for $3.90

3 for $3.33

5 for $3.20

10 for $3.00

Bittato - Reusable Wet Wipes Covers (MINI)

http://tlo.com.sg/shop/index.php/diaper/bitatto-reuseable-wet-wipes-covers-mini.html

* 5.8cm by 8.5cm by 0.5cm

1 for $4.00

Comparison for the 2 brands below.

Baby Matters: CRADLE CAP (Dentinox Cradle Cap Shampoo)

Eva was born pretty clean and with quite an amount of hair (much to my pleasure)! However, somehow as time pass, I noticed that she started to have cradle cap. (Aww... sad) 

Other than not looking good, I was more worried if it would be itchy and I see that they start to build up and thicken on her head! It was difficult to remove especially in between that pile of hair. And she started having them on her eye brows! 

So like most people / webbies advised, to use olive oil to apply and lightly scrub it off. My MIL bought Ginvera one and we tried. Maybe we soak it for too long? I apply it before her bath and after washing it off, the areas applied became reddish! I do not know if she was just being really sensitive or yeah, soak for too long. 

And I decided that it wasnt a good method and I wanted to let her outgrow it while I pick on them everyday. It was so tempting to peel them off. Haha BUT PLS NOTE! you need to be really really careful lest you peel off not the super dried falling off ones and that will mean you are pulling on her skin and that can cause her pain and possible rash / infection.  

Then one day, I found her with infection in her outer ear, brought her to polyclinic and I asked doctor about the cradle cap too. 

Doc recommended us to get cradle cap shampoo from pharmacy and it should come off easily. And so I went to search for it at pharmacy and found Dentinox Cradle Cap Shampoo (S$9.84). 




This is a cradle cap treatment shampoo that is effective yet gentle enough to be used as normal care shampoo after the cradle cap clear. I started to use and I found it indeed effective. I just lather on her head and massage a little more at the areas with thicken scabs, and I even put some lathered foam onto her eye brows before I clean it off with a bath handkerchief. 

It did help to soften the scabs but it depends on how much rubbing you do in order to really get it off the skin. I didnt want to rub too hard on her head and Eva actually prefer to go into the water asap and kick than to let me clean her head. So I dont have much time to slowly massage it away. 

What I did was more gross and dangerously unhygienic and not quite advisable YET perhaps often done by mummies / aunts?? 

As the shampoo soften the scabs and when it dries a little, the edges of the scab is actually not adhering to the skin, so yes I started peeling off from there. I did not succeed in removing all in this manner because I was careful in testing and checking to see if the part was indeed off the skin and not having any fresh 'wound' beneath. 

Through this method, I managed to help remove much of the scabs before they thicken to a horrible stage!! Subsequently I did pass the shampoo to infant care for her teachers to use to wash her hair. And after couple more months, no more cradle caps. I guess she probably just outgrow that phase. 

I think it was a good move that I shave her when she was 01 month old? Other than for tradition purpose, I thought it was good to remove the hair when she is younger so she has time to grow nice hair by the time she reaches 4 mths ready for infant care. And more so for the cradle cap to be removed! With that pile of hair, it was so difficult to even clean the hair, let alone the scalp!! So yes, with a nice shaven head, it was easier to see the affected areas and cleaning was easier as well. 

Later, Eva shaved again around coming 5 months old as the hair growth was not even. Short and slow in areas where she sleep on so we decided to shave it again. And now Eva has a good head of hair!! (though I still see some sparse areas which are now more covered up by her longer hair).

Review: POSTNATAL MASSAGE - Babies N Bellies (Mdm Wati)

I signed up my postnatal massage package with Babies N Bellies at Babycare Festival 2013. 

I found out about the package via the adv and info in Mother & Baby magazine. Speaking of which, I like Babycare Festival and how they actually give us an insights of the upcoming fair so that we can be prepared and totally ready for the shopping spree. 

So I was attended to by this Malay lady - Aisah who explained about the package and how does the massage help. Well, actually I didnt needed the explanation on how good post natal massage is and how important it is! I have heard it all and it is actually on the top of my priority list! I can skip loads of baby or mummy stuffs except this!

Of course, it is not just about the slimming that I am after. I am more concerned about how they would be helping us to get the womb and all back into shape and position. Post partum leaves our insides all messed up and if not properly fixed back, I believe it would give us trouble in old age or perhaps leave us with a weak and unsuitable womb conditions for conceiving number 2!

Before I come across the ad, my impression of such massage is that it is really ex!! And I even thought perhaps I should splurge on it but then again all the more I wish thats one thing I would like to have post partum esp to comfort woes of confinement. 

So when i see that the package for 7 days is less than 500$.. i knew this is it! 

And upon signing the package at the fair, they actually gave me freebies where I can choose 2! I chose huggies diapers (for sure) and the huge sarong cloth which can be used to lay over bed when they come do the massage. Its important as they use massage oil which will confirm be smeared all over bed when u lie and turn on the bed.  I gave up on the beanie pillow since my mama was planning to make loads of it!!  

Then they will advise you to call them for appointment arrangement once you deliver quoting your EDD and name as they file according to EDD. 

I did mine about 1 week after Eva was born because I only called them to make appointment after I was discharged. The results were amazing and I did feel much better after the 7 days therapy. It was not exactly consecutive 7 days as the masseur does not work on Sunday so my last session skipped a day and completed on the following week. 

Following the labour, I had a bad bad tailbone pain due to the prolonged pushing as doctor mentioned. It hurts when I sit too long. It hurts me more than the episiotomy wound! Imagine with that pain to handle dear Eva. I seriously dont know how I survive it all so well. Haha. But the pain was alleviated after she did the bengkung wrap!

Back to start. The masseur assigned was Mdm Wati who is a good 56 years old Malay lady who doesnt look age and has the best kind of figure - That slim flat tummy!!! 

She arrived at my MIL place punctually and went on to prepare the bed with my big sarong cloth plus a mattress protector together with her stuffs while I settle Eva in living room for my MIL to help look after during the session. you will also neex to provide a big and small towel for covering your body during massage.

Naturally such massage would mean having to strip naked. And many of us would be shy. Frankly since giving birth, I felt like I am no longer private and my body is shared with Eva hence haha I become not so shy. But Mdm Wati also made it very professional. After u removed your clothings including bra (and I had my disposable panties on which is important due to lochia), she will hold up a small towel and follow your bust area as you shift into the massage position in attempt to block her own view of your boobs. 

She started from the back and throughout the 7 days she often asked and checked to see if I had sensitive skin. If you have sensitive skin she will change to using olive oil instead of the lemongrass oil. I used lemongrass for a few days followed by olive oil for a few then back to lemongrass because at some pt it did feel like my skin got alil sensitive and she immediately recommend to change olive oil. 

The massage was pampering and did not hurt like I thought it would. It made me so relaxed that I dozed off easily.

i had the fan on lowest mode and oscillating but she didnt stop me so the light breeze made it all feel even better!! 

At the end of each massage, she will end it off with applying the slimming herbs onto my tummy area, followed by the bengkung wrap which is actually wrapping with this white wrap that has unique knoting style. Utter impressed! That is then following by the long wrap around cloth where she helps you tie it tight tight around your waist!! 

Caution! Request for light application of the herbs on 1st time! She applied good amounts for me and my skin felt so burning that I was so worried that my skin is scarred from it. Thank god no!!!

The results truly amazing as my MIL.was shocked too!! It halved the size after 1st session!! By end of the 7 days, my tummy pretty much back to shape and by Eva baby shower, i felt so good!! 

There is no regrets on taking up this package!! It even have a free baby massage session so Eva had her 15min massage where Mdm Wati shared with me on rhe steps etc.

Confession! Now my tummy is back to looking 4mths preggie.. sad... but Mdm Wati did remind me to take note and watch ourselves so as not to waste the investment!!

More info below!

New mothers tend to feel physically and mentally tired due to stress of delivery either thru normal delivery or C-section. Massage eases stresses that come from a new mother's rapid transition from a new mother's rapid transition from a pregnant body to the body after birth. Most mothers would experience back ache and soreness. It is also very important for the wind in the stomach to be removed using the correct massage technique. Not doing so could lead to the tummy looking permanently bloated. through post natal massage, the vital energy that is lost during labor is replenished 

• Improves circulation throughout the body
• Reduce the post-partum swelling that many women experience.
• Proper stretching of tight, sore muscles, easing muscular tension.
• Reduce the appearance of stretch marks due to pregnancy.
• Pushes up the uterus and help uterus to shrink to original size (For normal delivery only)
• Hasten the reduction of fluid retention, wind and spasm
• Reduce cellulite and help to tone up the body
• Relaxation
• Reduces migraines and headaches
• Reduce post natal depression

JAMU Post-Natal Massage Can Be Done After:

Normal Delivery - 4-5 days after delivery

Caesarian Delivery - 3 weeks to 1 month still subjected to your gynae's approval and your readiness for the massage

Ligation - 1 months 2 weeks still subjected to your gynae's approval and your readiness for the massage

Miscarriage - 4 - 5 days after delivery

Premature Delivery - Same as Normal or C-section depending on the type of delivery

MASSAGE INCLUDES:

• A 1-hour customized full body massage (only lemongrass oil is used for its unique qualities to relieve wind and body ache)
• Use of a high quality Param and Tapel, applied on the midsection of the tummy followed by the bengkung which helps to push up the uterus, reduce water retention, spasm and tighten flabby belly.

Package comes with:

• Bengkong , Jamu or Slimming Gel (For Mum)
• Free Baby massage & Baby Telon Oil (For Baby) -Worth $15 for 10 mins massage (For 7 days package onwards)
• Blockducts and Breast engorgement sessions (upon request)